It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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