Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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