You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
