I'm lost and stupid without you.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
