who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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