Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
