No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
