Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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