hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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