For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
