I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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