Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
