It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
