But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
