Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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