Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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