Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
