White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
