You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
