If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
