I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
