last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
