So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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