either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
vagina is talking i cant
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
