Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
