just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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