Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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