I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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