I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
