Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
