Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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