doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
