Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
