he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
