I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
