I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i came on her dog
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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