hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My vagina just recognized that song.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
