whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
