When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
