yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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