The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
