People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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