I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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