I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
