How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
