we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher