Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.