My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
