UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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