just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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