I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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