in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
