he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.