Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED