Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?

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  (646): Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why? http://tfl.nu/31ky
  Replies (7) Good night (549) Bad night (858)
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  (818): View more from California

  Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.

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  (818): Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square. http://tfl.nu/gdo6
  Replies (24) Good night (2989) Bad night (484)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  so then she threw up in his asshole

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  yep..that'll do it.

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  (231): so then she threw up in his asshole (1-231): yep..that'll do it. http://tfl.nu/f3qy
  Replies (15) Good night (659) Bad night (4418)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (16145) Bad night (1068)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.

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  (616): Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy. http://tfl.nu/q0bl
  Replies (8) Good night (2979) Bad night (586)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

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  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (935) Bad night (9844)
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  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

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  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5628) Bad night (2174)
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  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

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  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3386) Bad night (1864)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.

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  (435): He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left. http://tfl.nu/e0w7
  Replies (7) Good night (2547) Bad night (994)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon

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  (715): yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon http://tfl.nu/62g9
  Replies (7) Good night (573) Bad night (1290)
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  (661): View more from California

  random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them

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  (661): random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them http://tfl.nu/utqt
  Replies (1) Good night (1361) Bad night (455)
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  (916): View more from California

  Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties

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  (916): Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties http://tfl.nu/1wl7
  Replies (3) Good night (1381) Bad night (463)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.

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  (203): No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places. http://tfl.nu/z30e
  Replies (0) Good night (644) Bad night (261)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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  (815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (258)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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  (505): He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable. http://tfl.nu/iadb
  Replies (4) Good night (232) Bad night (592)

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