it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas