No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
