Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.