You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times