i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
