I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
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Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.