Don't make out with my wife yet
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.