these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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