ADVERTISEMENT

• (562): View more from California

  Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....

  (949): View more from California

  Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back

  Fav 15 1303 4686

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Fav 20 7786 1651

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.

  Fav 5 1218 3191

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.

  Fav 2 2337 1004

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

  Fav 12 3017 1603

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit

  Fav 2 1991 1159

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (207): View more from Maine

  Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.

  Fav 12 1282 855

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.

  Fav 6 1990 753

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

  Fav 0 1018 592

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.

  Fav 4 1344 566

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Alcohol

  Fav 3 848 538

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.

  Fav 6 1344 451

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it

  Fav 0 336 202

  share tweet
  

• (903): View more from Texas

  EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.

  Fav 1 163 220

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (641): View more from Iowa

  He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...

  Fav 0 24 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize