Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (4074) Bad night (1464)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

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  (847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m
  Replies (9) Good night (1087) Bad night (2976)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

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  (386): tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN http://tfl.nu/xbeq
  Replies (26) Good night (586) Bad night (3052)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?

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  (631): I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory? http://tfl.nu/wpyo
  Replies (12) Good night (5679) Bad night (594)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.

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  (404): I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/k2tm
  Replies (25) Good night (3857) Bad night (470)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4790) Bad night (728)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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  (774): mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me http://tfl.nu/1umx
  Replies (12) Good night (1019) Bad night (5707)
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  (619): View more from California

  If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho

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  (619): If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/n12x
  Replies (12) Good night (3373) Bad night (837)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

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  (618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec
  Replies (13) Good night (4149) Bad night (1002)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.

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  (678): Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it! (770): Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you. http://tfl.nu/kg3y
  Replies (10) Good night (1840) Bad night (450)
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  (831): View more from California

  Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.

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  (831): Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me. http://tfl.nu/ne9s
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (244)
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  (949): View more from California

  Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.

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  (949): Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows. http://tfl.nu/xhmr
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (363)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks

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  (412): nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks http://tfl.nu/mqja
  Replies (1) Good night (286) Bad night (461)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit

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  (907): who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit http://tfl.nu/vaby
  Replies (4) Good night (592) Bad night (349)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed

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  (336): Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed http://tfl.nu/q8dx
  Replies (3) Good night (265) Bad night (752)

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