Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
