oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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