Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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