I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
