One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
me + whiskey = a bad person
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
