i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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