sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
