I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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