when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
