wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
