One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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