Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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