I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
