Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
