my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
is that a dick in a sweater?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
