omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
