How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
