How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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