Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
